If I were a Provo Girl

Hello World!

I'm just a dude sick of dating.

A couple weeks ago I was stuck in a car in Saint George with no leg room, feeling hot, tired, irritated, etc. The girls in the car were just RAVING about Beyonce and BLASTING "If I Were a Boy."

Granted, it is a great song, BUT I think they were fangirl-ing way too hard. However over-hyped Beyonce may be by the generic suburban, soda-loving, white college girl, Beyonce and I relate on many levels.

Flash forward one week and I'm getting dumped by one of the girls that was in the car.

Later, after eating a couple gallons of ice cream, watching way too many over-the-top action movies, and regretting several Tinder matches that never went anywhere, this still hurting man channeled his inner Beyonce Meyonce (ouch, total dad joke), and conjured up a masterpiece reworking of "If I were a boy."

So, this "If I were a boy" remake goes out to all of my fellow homies who are sick of women.

If I were a Provo girl

Even just for a day

I'd roll out of bed in the morning

And throw on my leggings and go

Paint nails with the girls

And ghost that one guy

I'd shut down who I wanted

And I'd never get confronted for it

'Cause I've got like six more

[Chorus 1]

If I were a provo girl

I think I could understand

How it feels to be wanted

I swear I'd at least text him back

I'd listen to him

'Cause I know how it hurts

When you lose the one you wanted

'Cause she's afraid of commitment

So everything you had got destroyed

[Verse 2]

If I were a Provo girlI would turn off my phoneTell my date that it's brokenSo he’d think I wasn’t texting my ex

I'd put myself first

And make the rules as I go

'Cause I'd know he'll stay invested

Waitin' for me to show interest

But I won't

If I were a Provo girl

I think I could understand

How it feels to be wanted

I swear I'd at least text him back

I'd listen to him

'Cause I know how it hurts

When you lose the one you wanted

'Cause she's afraid of commitment

So everything you had got destroyed

[Bridge]

It's never too late for you to reciprocate

Say, I was just busy

And I'll forgive you like that

If you know that you're over him

It's all chill

[Chorus 2]

But I'm just a boy

I don't understand

(Yeah, I don't understand, oh)

How it feels to be wanted

I swear I'd at least text him back

I'd listen to him

'Cause I know how it hurts

When you lose the one you wanted

'Cause she's afraid of commitment

So everything you had got destroyed

But I'm just a boy…

Fin.
Feel empowered my boiz.